Working to Transform Abuse & Cruelty to Empathy, Courage, Redemption, and Kindness.

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Why This Work Matters

BULLYSAFE USA

Sibling abuse is the most common form of family violence and yet, is practically invisible when discussions of abuse in families occur.

Sibling abuse is more prevalent than spousal abuse or parent to child abuse. As recently as February, 2020, Psychology Today reported that there is no definition of sibling abuse or laws governing it – except for some sexual abuse laws. Up to 80% of youth experience some form of sibling
maltreatment, yet its been called the “forgotten abuse.” It is also frequently referred to as a “silent epidemic.” Sibling rivalry is so prevalent in our society that when it crosses the line and becomes abuse, it is dismissed. It is long overdue for sibling abuse to be recognized and taken seriously.

Awards

• American Red Cross – Humanitarian Award

• L’Oreal Paris – Women of Worth

• Department of Health and Human Services, Commissioners Award

• Kansas Department of Corrections, Karl Menninger Award

• President Bush’s 900th Point of Light

• Prevention of Child Abuse America, Donna Stone Award

• Kansas Children’s Service League, Distinguished Service to Children Award

* Reaching Out From Within, Strength Through Unity Award

• University of Missouri at Kansas City School of Education Award, Alumni Award

• Daily Point of Light Awards

• YWCA Hearts of Gold Award

• Sigma Delta Tau Sorority – Outstanding Alumni Award

• Diplomatic Courier Award – 1 of 100 Top Global Women of the World

• Park University, Outstanding Alumni Award – 2017

• Child Welfare League of America – 1 of 100 Outstanding Citizens, 2019

• Junior League of Kansas City, MO – Branton/Hall Community Collaborator Award, 2020

What Educators & Parents Say About SuEllen Fried

BULLYSAFE USA
“It is not often that a speaker makes a significant impact on students and their behavior. Your presentation to our sixth graders made a noticeable difference. As reflected in the enclosed evaluations, the students took your message to heart. Teachers have noticed a positive difference in how the students treat one another and a greater sensitivity to each others’ feelings.”
Marlene M. David, Head of School - Marshall Preparatory School
“I have heard nothing but good feedback after your presentations to the boys, faculty, and parents at Gilman. Your message was so very relevant and your presentation so skilled that you had captive audiences at every level.”
R. Leith HerrmannLower School Head – Gilman School
“I could not allow another minute to go by without pausing to convey my heartfelt appreciation to you for delivering such a stirring keynote address… Several people commented about your presentation long after it was over. Your message and your book will leave an indelible impact in the hearts of many.”
Judith J. CarterSenior Vice President – Boys and Girls Clubs of America
“Immediately after your first session with students, two boys came to our planning room to talk about when they had bullied and when they had witnessed bullying. Their responses were strong; they demonstrated empathy for their victims and committed to becoming friendly… You have provided us with vocabulary, heightened sensitivity and strategies for helping children.”
Sarah F. CarterPrincipal – Park Street School
“I was impressed with the children’s interest, experiences, and sharing of some quite significant ideas and feelings… Clearly you conveyed that you wanted to hear what they had to say and your empathetic responses enabled them to go “below the surface” in their thinking and talking. I was struck by how much “bullying” does occur even in a school in which I previously would have said that this was not an issue.”
Doug WeinstockPrincipal – Winn Brook School
“Thanks to your and your presentation at our school… Since the implementation of this program, bullying in our school has dropped dramatically. Students have a sense of feeling safer and more respected than ever before. This has all happened because of your sincere dedication, your wisdom, and your true caring for the younger people.”
Phillip M. HackettPrincipal, Edwin H. Green Intermediate School
“It was the most captivating and necessary presentation for children I’ve seen in my 27 years of teaching.”
Sandra Hubbard5th grade teacher – Overland Park, KS
“SuEllen Fried touched the souls of the students at our middle school. Every student has at some time witnessed the cruelty of a bully in action or observed the pain of a victim. SuEllen’s presentation was the crown in our conflict resolution unit and her true-life examples were unforgettable. We have incorporated many of her ideas into our curriculum and are committed to infusing our school with the spirit of kindness and caring. Thanks to SuEllen, we are better equipped to do that."
Alice SpencerGuidance Counselor – New Jersey
“SuEllen’s presentation was a watershed for our students. We now refer to situations in our school as ‘before SuEllen’ and ‘after SuEllen’.”
Karen CarnesGuidance Counselor – Pleasant Ridge Middle School, Shawnee Mission, KS
“The work of SuEllen and Paula Fried is compelling testimony that bullying can no longer be justified as a rite of passage for millions of students. The Frieds have impressed upon our school community the necessity of intervening with bullies, supporting victims and empowering the witnesses to bullying. This book is essential reading for everyone who works with children, especially at the elementary and middle school levels.”
Michael McDermott Principal – Scarsdale Middle School, Scarsdale, NY
“The evaluations received from participants indicate they very much enjoyed and benefited from your presentation. Some of the comments we received in the evaluations included, ‘What a great speaker . . . ’she gave me hope-useful strategies to work on a huge problem . . . ’I was completely engaged’. . . 'dynamic and motivational’. I could go on to list many similar comments, but the “A” grade you received also tells the tale of a very powerful speaker.”
Candace HunterChild Abuse and Neglect Prevention Conference Committee, Reno, NV
“Many parents feel powerless to do anything about the bullying of their children, fearing that intervention will only make matters worse. I am grateful for the concrete solutions this book provides for parents and the blueprint for entire communities to adopt to reduce the devastation of bullying.”
Carolee JonesParent
“Mrs. Fried’s message on how to treat others and the consequences if you don’t (i.e. Columbine), transcended all age groups. She touched the heart and the intellect so effectively, the students were visibly changed and parents and teachers left with tears in their eyes. Children who had been bullying or quarreling actually stood up in front of their grade and apologized to their peers. I have never witnessed a presentation so powerful.. There is no doubt the children left better students and will be better human beings for the rest of their lives.”
Leslie RobertsAll Saints School, Tyler, TX
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About SuEllen Fried

Play Video about SuEllen Fried Speaking

SuEllen Fried has been a passionate advocate for children since 1976 and firmly believes that bullying is a form of child abuse. She and her daughter, Paula Fried, Ph.D., co-authored “Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield” in 1996, three years before the Columbine tragedy and “Bullies, Targets & Witnesses: Helping Children Break the Pain Chain” in 2003. A third book, “Banishing Bullying Behavior -Transforming the Culture of Pain, Rage & Revenge” co-authored with Blanche Sosland, PhD, was released in 2009. In 2005 she co-authored, with Lynn Lang, a workbook, “30 Activities for Getting Better at Getting Along”. In 2002, she founded BullySafeUSA, an organization that conducts “Train the Trainer” programs, speaks at conferences, and works with school districts to develop a comprehensive approach to prevent bullying. She has appeared on Good Morning America, the TODAY Show, MSNBC, and was featured on an A&E Documentary, Bill Kurtis Reports, “Bullied to Death.” Read More

Speaking & Training

"It’s Time to Acknowledge Sibling Bullying—and its Lifelong Consequences." ​

“For the past few decades, I have spent many rewarding hours in schools talking with students—over 70,000 of them and with 15,000 counselors, educators, administrators, and parents. Whether I am in New York, California, Ohio, or Florida, I collect the same information from students –whether in public, private, parochial, rural, suburban or inner-city schools. Children are hurting!” 

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“I have been a volunteer for the Kansas Department of Corrections for over 40 years. Over these four decades, I have connected with thousands of incarcerated men and women who have been physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually abused –most often by family members. My involvement in the prevention of child abuse has coincided with my volunteering in prisons.”

— SuEllen Fried

Play Video

“Sibling Violence is the most common form of abuse in families – more than between husbands and wives, or parents and children.”

—Professor Mark Kiselica PhD, Author of “Sibling Maltreatment: The Forgotten Abuse”

Books & Publications

Play Video

Siblings: Bullying, Betrayal and Bonding Across the Lifespan

Sibling relationships are one of the longest bonds we will experience. Whether it’s a profound, irreplaceable connection or one fraught with hurt and pain, it can significantly affect us over the course of our lifetime. Sibling bullying has been around since the beginning of time – think Cain and Abel – but this highly toxic subject has never received the attention it deserved, like the more common peer bullying that exists in schools. SuEllen Fried’s fifth and latest book on bullying, Siblings: Bullying, Betrayal and Bonding Over the Lifespan, evolved from her 25 years of interaction with students in 37 states.

Banishing Bullying Behavior

Presents a blueprint to reduce the pain, rage and revenge cycle of bullying.

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Bullies & Victims

Charts the course of bullying following the tragic multiple school shootings in the late 90’s.

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Bullies, Targets, & Witnesses

A basic handbook about bullying prevention and intervention.

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30 Activities for Getting Better or Getting Along

An interactive, timely, adaptable workbook to deal with bullying issues. 

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Blog

"We Need Intentional Acts of Kindness."

From the Huffington Post:

“To continue spreading compassion outside the walls of Kansas state penitentiaries, Fried wears a pin every day that reads, ‘Power Of Kindness.’ In the course of the day, she gives it away to someone she sees performing an act of kindness.

‘I carry a bunch in my purse to give away,’ she says, smiling. She often gives them away on plane trips when she sees someone give up a good seat for a worse one so that a family can sit together, Fried says.

Recognizing and celebrating acts of kindness, Fried explains, is the best way to spread a spirit of giving and encourage others to act with empathy.

‘We need more than just random acts of kindness,’ Fried says. ‘We need intentional acts of kindness.'”

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